How to Handle Idiots Who Make Loud Phone Calls in Public 3

Notice how more and more idiots speak loudly into their phones in public settings without a thought to those around them? Here’s how one clever man dealt with it:

A brusque blonde in a business suit was speaking into her phone so loudly that her voice overrode the conversations of people at tables 20 feet away. Heck, the loudspeaker playing music could barely stand up against her booming voice.

One of the men yelled back to her, “Can you please speak up?” but she didn’t catch the words or the joke about her impoliteness, though everyone around him chuckled.

“I’m glad we were able to connect on this,” the woman said, even more loudly.

He walked up directly behind her, maybe a foot away, and held his own phone to his ear, though he wasn’t speaking to anyone.

The woman screamed into her phone, “I’m here at the Starbucks on Ventura.”

[pullquote]The loudspeaker playing music could barely stand up against her booming voice.[/pullquote]

“What do you know!?” the man screamed just as loudly. “I’m here too – what are odds?”

“Do you know how to get here?” the woman said.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” the man responded, now maybe three inches from her ear. “Or are you speaking metaphysically? Cause you can be here and not be here, you know?”

The woman cast a quick glance at him, but she could only sustain an awareness of people around her for a second or two.

“I think we have a really good chance on this,” she said into her phone. “Did you finish the projections?”

“I just made something up,” the man said. “Actually, I just measured my cat, and multiplied that by 600. Who cares – they’re projections!”

The woman glanced at him again, sort of getting what he was doing, but not really. “Okay,” she said into the phone. “I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.”

“Great!” the man said. “In that case, I have time to pee!”

The woman hung up the phone, and became fully aware of the man for the first time. She noticed how close he was. “Do you need something –”

“Do you mind,” he said, brusquely. “I’m making a call.” He shook his head. “Some people …”

And he pretended to speak into his phone, as he walked back to his table. People around him applauded, and he took a slight bow. The woman looked confused for a moment, but when she made another call, she kept her voice at a whisper.


After I posted this, someone wrote a comment that included this clip from the great Larry David: